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The most users ever online was 9 on June 11, 2006 @ 3:53 PM.

Random Quotes

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ID #472
Occurred: 8 Mar 2008
Submitted: 8 Mar 2008, 4:44 PM
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Rating: 2.957/4 (23 votes)
DKK5 (9:28:32 PM): My parents were just at this wedding
DKK5 (9:28:40 PM): And Rex Grossman was there!
DKK5 (9:30:15 PM): I wonder if I should go to the reception to meet him
RyanWhiteGoose (9:30:26 PM): yeah do it
RyanWhiteGoose (9:30:43 PM): receptions are sick
rshepherd1000 (9:30:50 PM): hey
rshepherd1000 (9:31:00 PM): this would be rex's first reception!
rshepherd1000 (9:31:04 PM): ohohoho?
Blueline Goddess (9:31:10 PM): ohoho!
DKK5 (9:31:14 PM): ohoho
HistoricToast (9:32:53 PM): ohoho
Blueline Goddess (9:33:00 PM): ohoho
ID #181
Occurred: Sep 01 2005
Submitted: 10 Jun 2006, 12:00 AM
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Rating: 2.296/4 (27 votes)
(17:00:23) Stickmansam 1024: The Onion updated !!
(17:00:30) Stickmansam 1024: the whole archive is available now!
(17:07:18) Jon "Ngamer" Barber: yes... for a pretty penny
(17:07:26) Stickmansam 1024: no, for free!
(17:07:39) Stickmansam 1024: http://www.theonion.com/content/archives
(17:08:12) Stickmansam 1024: *claps and jumps up and down*
(17:08:47) Jon "Ngamer" Barber: ok... but how much is this going to COST me?
(17:08:54) Jon "Ngamer" Barber: $10 a year would be ok, I guess
(17:09:09) Stickmansam 1024: it'll cost you... nothing!
(17:09:18) Stickmansam 1024: it's free-as-in-beer!
(17:09:56) Jon "Ngamer" Barber: fine, fine, I'll mail you the $10 tomorrow
(17:10:05) Jon "Ngamer" Barber: but I better be able to see the Archives then
(17:10:12) Stickmansam 1024: sure
(17:10:16) Stickmansam 1024: just send me the money
(17:10:33) Stickmansam 1024: after that, it's TOTALLY free
(17:10:49) Jon "Ngamer" Barber: alright, good deal
ID #250
Occurred: Dec 08 2005
Submitted: 10 Jun 2006, 12:00 AM
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Rating: 3.118/4 (34 votes)
GoldenGreg007 (4:44:02 PM): i sent your sister a friend request
GoldenGreg007 (4:44:05 PM): she better accept it
Im Ngamer (5:18:59 PM):
jon this guy named greg woll has listed me as his friend and he goes to ohio northern and i was trying to figure out how i know him or something and i see that you are the only friend i have in common with him so i am wondering who he is and why he is trying to list me as his friend
GoldenGreg007 (5:19:47 PM): haha pwned
GoldenGreg007 (5:19:52 PM): i'm pwning the whole barber family
Im Ngamer (6:21:44 PM): you've gone too far Woll, TOO FAR
Im Ngamer (6:22:00 PM): now I'm going to have to facebook friend your sister
GoldenGreg007 (8:09:25 PM): my sister isn't on facebook
GoldenGreg007 (8:10:41 PM): she already graduated before facebook even started
Im Ngamer (8:11:35 PM): hmm... we'll have to start over then
Im Ngamer (8:11:54 PM): how long is the drive to Ohio? about 7 hours?
Im Ngamer (8:12:27 PM): I'll get you a new sister in 9 months, 7 hours
GoldenGreg007 (8:13:17 PM): i'd like to see you try
Im Ngamer (8:13:47 PM): fine, I'll bring the video camera
ID #90
Occurred: Aug 15 2004
Submitted: 10 Jun 2006, 12:00 AM
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Rating: 3.147/4 (34 votes)
Neo26988 (12:34:30 AM): NOTHING makes me happy.
Im Ngamer (12:35:50 AM): I bet this pic will: http://geocities.com/ollebolle007/brandon.txt
Neo26988 (12:36:09 AM): If you mean the 'Where is Brandon' one, then no, it did not.
Im Ngamer (12:36:50 AM): oh man... I didn't think that thing could fail to cheer up a stone
Im Ngamer (12:36:56 AM): let alone a person
Neo26988 (12:37:02 AM): I'm no stone.
Neo26988 (12:37:03 AM): Hell.
Neo26988 (12:37:19 AM): If I accomplish something in my life I still wouldn't attain the rank of 'stone'.
Neo26988 (12:37:32 AM): But I'm not going to, so, I'm not even half of a stone.
Neo26988 (12:37:55 AM): Or, any mathematically determinal part of a stone.
Neo26988 (12:37:59 AM): Because either way, it will pwn me.
Neo26988 (12:38:01 AM): And everything about me.
Im Ngamer (12:38:29 AM): eh... you're maybe not as cool as a lava rock... but I'd rank you above a slab of granite
Im Ngamer (12:38:40 AM): WELL... unless it was really, really polished
Im Ngamer (12:38:47 AM): then you'd be about even
Neo26988 (12:38:48 AM): God, can you ever be serious?
Neo26988 (12:38:54 AM): When I'm clearly depressed or whatever.
Neo26988 (12:39:01 AM): You're making jokes about how a shiny piece of granite is cooler than me.
Im Ngamer (12:39:13 AM): I never said that!
Neo26988 (12:39:17 AM): You implied it.
Im Ngamer (12:39:20 AM): I said, about even
Neo26988 (12:39:26 AM): ...
Im Ngamer (12:39:33 AM): I'd still probably vote you
Neo26988 (12:39:37 AM): Probably!?
Im Ngamer (12:39:55 AM): well, I mean... when you get a really good polish going
Im Ngamer (12:40:06 AM): like, you can even see your face in it
Im Ngamer (12:40:14 AM): now THAT'S cool
Neo26988 (12:40:17 AM): FFS
Neo26988 (12:40:32 AM): I'm clearly more pissed then you've ever seen me.
Neo26988 (12:40:41 AM): And like, no way did I think this weekend could get worse.
Neo26988 (12:40:44 AM): But hell, there you go.
Im Ngamer (12:41:01 AM): you're like... is this a rock? or a mirrorOMG!?
Neo26988 (12:41:12 AM): ...
ID #374
Occurred: 25 Jul 2006
Submitted: 27 Jul 2006, 6:54 PM
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Rating: 2.542/4 (24 votes)
GoldenJimbo007 (00:52:22): Alec do you seroiusly not know how a vagina opens?
AlecBoy006 (00:52:33): No. I dont Jimbo
GoldenJimbo007 (00:52:46): Ever heard of an automatic and manual transmission?
AlecBoy006 (00:52:51): No
GoldenJimbo007 (00:52:55): WHAT?
GoldenJimbo007 (00:53:01): You've never heard of a transmission??
AlecBoy006 (00:53:03): No. I havent Jimbo
GoldenJimbo007 (00:53:38): TRANSMISSION...
GoldenJimbo007 (00:53:40): *hits you*
GoldenJimbo007 (00:53:41): Then again.
GoldenJimbo007 (00:53:44): I'm a car guy.
GoldenJimbo007 (00:53:51): It's what shifts gears in any vehicle, Corey.
GoldenJimbo007 (00:53:57): Automatic = car does it for you
GoldenJimbo007 (00:54:01): Manual - you shift gears.
GoldenJimbo007 (00:54:06): YOU MANUALLY OPEN THE VAGINA.
AlecBoy006 (00:54:09): What's a sexual transmission?
AlecBoy006 (00:54:18): How do I do that? With a key?
ID #237
Occurred: Nov 15 2005
Submitted: 10 Jun 2006, 12:00 AM
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Rating: 2.533/4 (30 votes)
(17:29:32) Sam "Stickmansam 1024" Hughes: So I have an interview
(17:29:38) Sam "Stickmansam 1024" Hughes: at Goldman Sachs in London
(19:17:40) Jon "Ngamer" Barber: I visited their website, but it was less than helpful
(19:25:49) Jon "Ngamer" Barber: UGH, they spelled "engineer" with two Ns... in a bolded headline, no less
(19:26:58) Jon "Ngamer" Barber: be sure to bring that up with them first thing
(19:27:09) Jon "Ngamer" Barber: it will show that you can bring fresh ideas to the company
(19:27:32) Sam "Stickmansam 1024" Hughes: are you sure about that?
(19:27:45) Sam "Stickmansam 1024" Hughes: it might give them the impression I don't like the company very much.
(19:32:28) Jon "Ngamer" Barber: no Sam, I'm sure
(19:32:56) Jon "Ngamer" Barber: and to emphasize your point, be sure to bring up the matter loudly, making good use of foul language
(19:33:13) Jon "Ngamer" Barber: that will make you stand out as a real go-getter
(19:33:45) Mike Gaydeski: punch someone in the face
(19:33:54) Mike Gaydeski: Then they'll know you mean business
(19:34:19) Jon "Ngamer" Barber: just slug the secretary on the way in
(19:34:37) Jon "Ngamer" Barber: "right this way Mr. Hughes" "thanks" *WHAP*
(19:35:00) Jon "Ngamer" Barber: if they ask why, just say that you "don't take no guff from nobody"
(19:36:33) Sam "Stickmansam 1024" Hughes: Shall I wear my yellow suit, so I stand out?
(19:37:01) Mike Gaydeski: hm...
(19:37:11) Jon "Ngamer" Barber: yes, but also, wrap yourself in Christmas lights
(19:37:19) Jon "Ngamer" Barber: plug yourself in inside the waiting room
(19:37:20) Mike Gaydeski: You can't wear the wrong thing if you're not wearing anything!
(19:37:32) Sam "Stickmansam 1024" Hughes: Mgay makes a valid point.
(19:37:37) Jon "Ngamer" Barber: oh! good point there Mg
(19:37:47) Jon "Ngamer" Barber: that could really ease your mind heading in
(19:37:44) Sam "Stickmansam 1024" Hughes: "Why aren't you wearing anything?"
(19:37:48) Sam "Stickmansam 1024" Hughes: "I couldn't decide."
(19:37:58) Sam "Stickmansam 1024" Hughes: "So I went with what I knew"
(19:39:21) Jon "Ngamer" Barber: you'll certainly be comfortable, that's a plus
(19:39:51) Sam "Stickmansam 1024" Hughes: It's winter, though
(19:39:57) Sam "Stickmansam 1024" Hughes: maybe I'll take a hat at least
(19:40:15) Jon "Ngamer" Barber: a hat, and those black socks of yours
(19:40:27) Sam "Stickmansam 1024" Hughes: of course
(19:41:55) Sam "Stickmansam 1024" Hughes: and of course I'll make sure to greet the interviewer with a nice, firm... handshake
ID #362
Occurred: 25 Jun 2006
Submitted: 26 Jun 2006, 1:46 PM
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Rating: 2.115/4 (26 votes)
l34ss l3oost: ive dated 2 bi girls
octoinky: at once, alex?
l34ss l3oost: actually
l34ss l3oost: weird story
l34ss l3oost: they dated after our relationships
holycatholique: as in
holycatholique: each other?
l34ss l3oost: yes
holycatholique: bwahahaha
Infil12: did you get any footage of this?
ID #191
Occurred: Sep 19 2005
Submitted: 10 Jun 2006, 12:00 AM
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Rating: 1.800/4 (25 votes)
(01:55:45) Stickmansam 1024: I might just turn on the option which turns ALL of you the same deep red
(01:55:50) Stickmansam 1024: would you LIKE that?
(01:55:52) Stickmansam 1024: WOULD you?
(01:55:54) Stickmansam 1024: HUH?
(01:55:59) Stickmansam 1024: I DIDN'T THINK SO!!
(01:56:01) Steve "comeasur" Bryze: Anything is better than Cyan.
(01:56:31) Stickmansam 1024: personally I think it makes you look rather dashing.
(01:56:40) Stickmansam 1024: oh wait, not dashing
(01:56:41) Stickmansam 1024: gay
(01:56:44) Jon "Ngamer" Barber: ha
(01:56:51) Jon "Ngamer" Barber: that's SORT of like dashing
(01:57:04) Stickmansam 1024: .........ish
(01:57:04) Jon "Ngamer" Barber: more prancing than dashing, I should think
ID #266
Occurred: Jan 16 2000
Submitted: 10 Jun 2006, 12:00 AM
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Rating: 2.346/4 (26 votes)
Neo26988 (6:17:56 PM): I'm gonna play monkey island 1 instead.
Neo26988 (6:18:00 PM): Solely for the sword fighting.
NathanStinson (6:32:42 PM): ...
CieloAzor (6:33:00 PM): Shut up, Nate.
NathanStinson (6:33:16 PM): ...?
CieloAzor (6:33:24 PM): Geez, quit yer yappin.
CieloAzor (6:33:37 PM): And don't ask so many stupid questions.
CieloAzor (6:41:03 PM): Now you're just sitting there like a slackjawed faggot.
COME as u r337 (7:13:39 PM): No, that's how he normally looks.
ID #569
Occurred: 21 Feb 2013
Submitted: 23 Feb 2013, 6:45 PM
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Rating: 2.800/4 (10 votes)
*Jimbo's been bragging about his new 100M internet connection on facebook*
Infil1212 (3:57:13 AM): he gets university internet at his house? how?
isthatagoodt (3:57:30 AM): the ISP has the infrastructure to support 100M but charges 10x more for it
isthatagoodt (3:57:47 AM): so normally jim buys a really cheap plan because he's cheap. instead he's pretending Ritch lives with him so he can get the student rate
wheatrich (4:10:20 AM): pretty sure those crying tears I'm hearing are infil's
TopRogue7 (4:11:51 AM): infil immediately moving to steal rach from jim
Infil1212 (4:13:13 AM): there are some things i wouldn't do, even for good internet
isthatagoodt (4:13:31 AM): well, would you pay $100/month for 100M down/50M up?
Infil1212 (4:14:19 AM): uhh... yes? lol
isthatagoodt (4:14:25 AM): well then
isthatagoodt (4:14:28 AM): jim has that option, but instead he's taking $10/mo
isthatagoodt (4:15:00 AM): but you're saying you wouldn't even do that when your only other option is what you have NOW?
Infil1212 (4:15:14 AM): no, the thing i wouldn't do for good internet is date rachel
Infil1212 (4:15:18 AM): as per youse
isthatagoodt (4:15:37 AM): ohhhhh
isthatagoodt (4:15:40 AM): i didnt read youse's line
Infil1212 (4:15:48 AM): few people do
HistoricToast (4:16:23 AM): can't believe the amount of disrespect on show here
HistoricToast (4:16:37 AM): for rach, for youse
isthatagoodt (4:16:47 AM): ehh, in Ritch's case
isthatagoodt (4:16:50 AM): she LOST the respect
isthatagoodt (4:16:58 AM): ....about 4 seconds after she stepped in here the first time
Infil1212 (4:17:04 AM): hi, my name is rachel
Infil1212 (4:17:10 AM): would you like to hear about my vaginal piercings?
isthatagoodt (4:17:26 AM): p much verbatim
HistoricToast (4:17:44 AM): p much masturbatin'
HistoricToast (4:18:33 AM): just thinking about those sweet sweet pussy lips dangling long, stretched from the weight of large metallic objects pincering her vapid flesh
wheatrich (4:18:52 AM): ok bloode gets the dreaded ignore
Infil1212 (4:19:17 AM): ffs
neo26988 (4:19:30 AM): ...
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